Report from the last two weeks
by
Ugi Muller, Acharya and teacher-in-training
Around
two weeks ago I experienced another shift. I felt a little bit stuck
because the periods of thorough nonmeditation that had started to
happen seemed to be gone again. So at one morning I was sitting and I
asked myself what was going on. Where did the nonmeditation go? I
mean, since the perfection of the 6th bhumi, stillness and
settledness are always there when sitting and also pretty much off
the cushion. However, that morning I realised that there’s a subtle
grasp on this stillness. Together with a very subtle form of clinging
to the constant vapours of the substrate mind that turn into
thoughts. A very peaceful state but still dual and I kind of felt
caught in it. Not knowing what to do, I then looked at my shrine.
First at Shakyamuni, then at Guru Rinpoche and then at Gampopa. Until
suddenly, Gampopa gave me a very direct instruction which I
immediately understood.
What he said, was one sentence: “Cut
through the bullshit!”
I knew exactly what to do and settled
one-pointedly into empty cognizance. I noticed thoughts bubbling up
from the vapours of the substrate mind but this time I didn’t
waver. The second word of Garab Dorje “Decide upon one thing and
one thing only!” came to my mind later. Sitting alertly in empty
cognizance without wavering, there was no turning a little bit to
that vapour (and thought) and just a little bit to this one. No
bullshitting. It was like a firm stare but which was not
attention-based. And a few moments later, cessation happened. All and
every notion of duality was eaten up in this wide-awake, pure and
luminous face of Buddha. It had something almost violent to it like
if you press your finger on the end of a running water hose to
increase the water pressure. I noticed all deluded tendencies to be
eaten up immediately. No trace of a meditator left.
This
probably lasted a minute (or longer). It’s hard to say because
there was no trace of time-constraint left. I’ve had glimpses like
that in the past but this time it was long enough to see what’s
going on. And now I understand the difference between recognising the
clarity aspect of the Dharmakaya and seeing the Dharmakaya directly.
It’s not a difference in kind but in grade.
This
opened up a new level of Atiyoga for me because now cessation is no
accident anymore but available. It only needs that extra decidedness
to cut through all the bullshit. No wavering, no half-heartedness,
just mind directly looking at mind. “Confidence in the liberation
of rising thoughts” is the third word of Garab Dorje. Oh how right
he is! Emptiness for the win.
Even though there was some
struggle with clinging to that “experience” the following 2 or 3
days, the 100% confidence remained and practice has been different.
I’ve also noticed that emotions of jealousy, pride or subtle
arrogance can’t hook me as before. No bullshit anymore for me,
thanks!
This finishing line of the path to Buddhahood is
again a very different animal on it’s own. And I’m eternally
grateful for Rinpoche’s teachings and the unwavering support of
the Mahasiddhas. With a special thanks to Gampopa to whom I have
strong connection and whose pointing-outs never miss the mark. And
to end this little report, I would like to include how Gampopa
himself reported about his finish line and his crossing thereof in
the first comment.
Thanks for reading & see you at the
retreat later!
May
all beings be free.
Gampopa reaching buddhahood in his own words:
»Then, the entity of that awareness was known like meeting someone known from before. The entity was seen standing out. Unlike with the previous meditation, it came as something that stood up, was very clean and clear, as something which had always been there.
Then, all previous dharma heard and all the guru’s dohas appeared vividly, as though the whole lot had been just dumped into my mind. And appearance flashed and flashed illusion-like; sometimes it came like it was just sitting there and sometimes it just came as the awareness’s own entity. That itself having become meditation, there was no meditation to do. With no meditator, all previous dharmas became just an outer husk, then the rigpa’s entity having gone to being without support, there was no longer a need to focus on rational mind. Sometimes it was empty, sometimes like an illusion. There was no need to apply conceptual analysis and examination to the appearances.
Sometimes, I would think that I should extend and extend the experience but that was the experience itself, too. I went to relying on realization. There could be no enhancement practice to make it greater. Well, the elder of Rongphu flew in the sky and this did provoke one enhancement of the realization—the way it was previously where all thoughts came as mist now was gone and I found myself thinking how joyful this was. Then thought went on to being luminosity alone. In that, thought was harmless. Then it occurred to me that none of it could be harmful. Then it went into being luminosity alone and from then on, till now, this has occurred without interruption. Then it was uninterrupted with no difference between night and day. For the yogin there is no dying and not dying. It occurred to me that there was no bardo.«
~ from: Tony Duff (tr.)- Gampopa teaches essence Mahamudra Vol. 2
