Mark's
Awakening
Mark:
Hi
Kim,
My
name is Mark from UK.
My
good friends Jon and Michael, whom I believe you have had some
contact with, suggested that I get in touch with you regarding your
guidance on how to awaken. After all three of us had a group internet
call, they told me about you and the guidance that you offer,
guidance which I would like to follow also.
A
little bit more about me:
I
am 40 years old and have been a member of the Buddhist Dharma Group
since its inception in 2008. We are a practice group who follow the
path of ‘Silent-Illumination’, you may already know a little
about us. Prior to joining that group I was practicing with a
different Buddhist organisation called the Triranta Community
(formally Friends of the Western Buddhist Order). I joined that group
when I was 20 and have had a committed practice including a daily
meditation practice since that time. I have done many practice
retreats including almost all of the retreats that the Buddhist
Dharma Group have organised. I work in engineering, although I
consider myself to be an artist.
Practice:
I
have begun the process of familiarising myself with the 2 part
formula practice, and have been trying it out since Wednesday morning
(13/09/17) where I effectively used my morning sitting period
(40mins) to practice the 2PF and have been trying it out during
lunchtime at work and also a little time in the evenings. I almost
immediately experienced physical contractions in my body, hands and
chest with some shaking of the head, especially this Saturday morning
(16/09/17) during the 2nd part of the formula. I would say that the
first part of the practice, of experiencing embodied expansive
spaciousness I am pretty familiar with, but only that it has deepened
somewhat, especially in my head since using the 2nd part of the
formula. But now the contractions have subsided, at least I think
they have, and I notice a subtle quietness in my mind and head,
again, at lest I think I do.
Sunday
morning update (17/09/17 - today):
This
morning I sat my 40 min period of meditation, and essentially just
tried to open up to the feeling of quietness in my head/mind. I tried
out the 2 part formula once, saying the affirmations “I I I, me me
me, mine mine mine” out loud, but I kinda feel like my hearts not
in it. I am just not getting the same convolutions/contractions that
I was having earlier, so it felt best to just be with my experience
and leave the formula alone until I know what is happening.
So
anyhow, I could do with some guidance in these matters regarding the
2PF.
Best
Regards,
Mark
Hey Mark.
Are you ready to begin? Your training history makes you fit for this process, as those of your sangha friends who have done this already. Keep an open mind. Don't bring all what you know or have experienced with you because you need none of that now. Start fresh. No expectations or high hopes, with plainness and simplicity. If you can do just that, this can be over in few short days.
Kim
Mark:
Hi
Kim,
Great
to hear back from you.
With
regards the awakening process I think the horse may have bolted
already, so to speak. I think it happened last Saturday morning
during meditation. After reading some of the case studies of the
process, I recognise the events having had occurred to myself as
well. I would like to write you an account if I may? I think this
would be helpful.
In
terms of my practice right now - I have a lot of questions. I wonder
if I can ask you them?
Mark
Mark.
You mean you awakened already? Wouldn't be surprised in your case. Sure, write me an account and send me a photo (eyes directly in the camera, no eye glasses, good light). If you are awake, we can talk practice related matters.
Kim
Mark:
Hi
Kim,
Please
find below an account of what I believe was an awakening experience I
had last week. I have attached a picture of my face to this
email.
Events
Concerning Awakening
Tuesday
12-09-2017
During
the evening, after a sangha team internet call to plan for the
forthcoming autumn retreat, there followed a second call between
myself, Jon and Michael, who are also long standing members of group.
Jon
went on to explain that after many years of practice under the
guidance of our former teacher (now deceased), he had still not
woken up to the truth. That this is ‘getting ridiculous’ I think
was the phrase he used. So he decided to do some googling to see what
else is out there, perhaps there was another path more suitable?
And
so he happened upon the Open Heart website and the 2 Part Formula
that you offer guidance on. After trying it out for a short time, his
words where that he had a ‘kensho’ experience. So he tells
Michael, who in a short time, under your guidance, also has an
awakening experience and that Carlos, another long standing member of
the sangha, has also woken and that two other members of the sangha
where also ‘in the process’.
Well,
me thinks, on the surface it sounds to good to be true, but that
these people I trust and have known them for a long time and I know
they are committed Dharma practitioners. And so, with a feeling of
disbelief but also trusting my spiritual friends I accept their
advise. Jon sends me an email with all of the relevant links to the
material. During our discussion that evening, Jon mentions the 2PF
and the affirmations of ‘I,I,I’ and ‘me, me, me’, and, you
know I almost immediately had a sense of what was happening when the
I or the self is affirmed, exposed and brought out into the open
light of awareness. A kind of purposeful exposure. Still with a
feeling of disbelief, I head off to the land of nod, bedtime.
Wednesday
13-09-2017
I
check my emails in the morning and Jon's email regarding ‘Guidance’
has already landed (late the night before). Such an important email I
will not open at work though, and wait until the evening to open it.
However, having listened to Jon talk about the 2PF, I start playing
around with saying ‘I’ and ‘Me’ at work in my head/mind
especially during my lunch break, to see what kind of effect it would
have on my experience.
My
sense at this time, not fully knowing the 2PF, only knowing that it
involves affirming the ‘I’, is that tension is created, or rather
exposed as pain and contractions in the body/mind. But that after
saying the affirmations there comes a feeling of release and
spaciousness.
In
the evening, after a run in the park, I open Jon’s email, following
the links and read the instructions for using the 2PF. I reply to
Jon’s email with thanks and try out 2PF a little as I fall asleep.
Thursday
14-09-2017
I
incorporate the 2PF into my 40 minute morning meditation as a means
of beginning preparatory work for ‘guidance’. After some minutes
of watching the rise and fall of my abdomen and opening to awareness,
I begin the affirmations saying out loud, ‘I, I, I, me, me, me,
mine, mine, mine’ twice, all the while experiencing
contractions and convulsions in my hands, chest and head, unpleasant
but not totally unbearable. And then rest again in open awareness. I
continue in this way until the end of the sitting period.
At
work I use the 2PF during quieter periods including a half hour
period of 2PF during my lunch break. During the evening I sit
meditation, doing 2PF for half an hour and after some familiarisation
of the online material on the Open Heart website, especially the
ebook ‘Awake’.
Friday
15-09-2017
Pretty
much the same as Thursday.
Saturday
16-09-2017
Again
I use my morning period of meditation to continue the practice of
2PF. As I continue alternating between opening to spacious awareness
and then affirming the ‘I’, I continue to experience physical
contractions in my body, hands and chest with some shaking of the
head. The head shaking, I experienced the day before but this time
the onset is more sudden, happening much earlier in the meditation
period. As the sit goes on, so do the contractions and subsequent
feelings of release. During what I think was the last set of
affirmations, saying out loud, ‘I, I, I, me, me, me, mine, mine,
mine’ twice, my head shook and then curled around my neck and my
legs flew in the air like one flap of a birds wings (I sit cross
legged). As this happened a kind of small explosion happened in my
mind/head and I saw a light appear in my minds eye, high in the room.
It was a whitish blue colour and sparkled with small trails around
it. It appeared as though something moved across it, just like the
movement of an eye lid. There was also one trail that shimmered from
its centre. I also think I saw a small black dot, but at the same
time I thought a bird had flown into the room. It was there for a
moment and then it was gone, disappearing with an after image of
soft, sparking white-blue light. As it appeared it felt very peaceful
and warm, loving and tender, gentle and soft, the kind of thing you
would want to melt into. There for a moment and then gone.
Whatever
it was it was kind of cool and didn’t feel wrong it any way, just
another meditation experience I thought. As the morning unfolded I
noticed that I was getting myself organised in an usually clear and
concise way, without any fuss and very smoothly, as usually I flap
and rush in an effort to save time. After getting breakfast in a
nearby cafe (a new found pleasure) I drove to my parents house, who
are away at the moment, in order to do a few administrative tasks.
Admin tasks done, I settle down with the ebook ‘Awake’ and
continue to read. After lunch I decide to take a walk in the park.
The colours are bright and sharp, the sounds clear and do not feel
like cutting stabs in my head as they have done in the past (for
years and years). I feel light and relaxed and not lonely and worried
as I often am. I enjoy the sunlight and do not feel like wearing my
sun glasses. I sit down in the park and enjoy the quietness in my
head/mind, that feels unusually stable and permanent, not fleeting
and a battle to ‘stay concentrated’. It was then that I thought
perhaps I have woken up, and that what happened during morning
meditation was an awakening experience.
From
then on…
After
I emailed you on last Sunday (17-09-2017), to express my interest in
the awakening guidance, I have been following your advise to continue
to do 2PF and familiarise myself with the material. This I continue
from last Sunday. Now when I say the ‘I’ affirmations, I get no
reaction, no contractions of the body/mind. I think I do get perhaps
a faint after effect of the affirmations, perhaps a very slight
sharpening of something in my experience, but to all intense it feels
like I just say the affirmations into space, with nothing reacting to
them. What I do have is a brightness in my head/mind like never
before, which I feel invited to open up to. It feels exciting and
like I can actually practice meditation properly for the first time
in my life. Which leads me practice, but first things first, am I
deluding myself here with regards what I believe to be my awakening?
Best
Regards,
Mark
Hi Mark.
After reading your report and seen your photo, absolutely, you are through. Congratulations! I'll make some comments.
You are one of 8 people so far who have come to awakening by reading the materials and testing the 2PF by themselves, and case number 89 in our statistics. Nice.
You wrote on Saturday 16th of September: "...a kind of small explosion happened in my mind/head and I saw a light appear in my minds eye, high in the room. It was a whitish blue colour and sparkled with small trails around it. It appeared as though something moved across it, just like the movement of an eye lid. There was also one trail that shimmered from its centre. I also think I saw a small black dot, but at the same time I thought a bird had flown into the room. It was there for a moment and then it was gone, disappearing with an after image of soft, sparking white-blue light. As it appeared it felt very peaceful and warm, loving and tender, gentle and soft, the kind of thing you would want to melt into. There for a moment and then gone. What ever it was it was kind of cool and didn’t feel wrong it any way, just another meditation experience I thought."
This is not actually "just another meditation experience", or it kind of is but this is very significant. What happened here was an energetic occurrence which unwound your so called kundalini energy, connected it with energy centers above the head (which are very important regarding the recognition of the natural state) and then disappeared at the heart for good, leaving that warm and loving feel. I have seen many teachers tell this same thing, including my teacher Sivakami and Ramana Maharishi. This is known in buddhist tantra as well. The outcome of this energetic happening is the dissolution of the self-knot in the head which refers to an irreversible insight. Just to let you know, in Tibetan Heart Yoga which is our main practice in Open Heart, we connect with the centers above the head in every practice session. These instructions can be found from the introduction at the website, if you wish to check it out. The main point about all kinds of energy sensations is that fully enlightened being, buddhas, don't have them but having said that some experiences like this one are indications that something important is happening from the point of view of dharma, i.e. knowing one's mind.
You have a long practice background. Awakening was long overdue... but I am glad for you that it happened! The first person who asked me for awakening guidance had spent over 30 years meditating full time and wasn't awakened, so its good that you didn't have to wait any longer.
As you say, your meditation will be significantly different from now on because "I" won't be jumping back and forth to split it. It has been great for me to work with your sangha members because you have done so much hard work sitting on your butt. That's why its also been rewarding, kind of a relief, because you guys if anyone deserve it after all that sitting.
I am sure your mind is pretty stable by now, after 20 years of sitting but having said that you still have a whole range of insights and maturation ahead of you. In Open Heart, we have something called Open Heart Bhumi Model. Bhumis are talked about in mahayana and vajrayana buddhism, althought they don't use bhumi mapping like we do. Anyway, awakening refers to opening of the 1st bhumi (not perfecting it). After this opening there are 12 more to go, plus perfecting all of them. Because it is quite a task, as a teacher of all sutra, tantra and dzogchen, I recommend tantric practice for attaining this because it much faster than sutra and more suitable for laypeople. Other methods work too, it just takes longer.
If you have any questions, glad to help.
Kim Pema
Mark:
Hi
Kim,
That's
great news many thanks. It feels good to get confirmation on my
awakening.
Also
thanks for the information that you have sent me, it is very
informative and inspiring. I shall begin looking through the info, in
particular the Tibetan Heart Yoga meditation. I shall study the
material though and see how it feels. I will also speak to Jon and
compare notes. I look forward hearing his experience of THY.
I
know almost nothing of Bhumis, apart from what our former teacher,
now deceased, has written about them in his book, but that was
something I read years ago and never went anywhere near since, as
nothing like that was ever my experience, at least not before last
Saturdays awakening. I did however, a few nights ago watch your
YouTube video on the bhumi model and dark night. It's pretty far out
to say the least, but maybe not, time will tell.
Once
again a hearty warm thanks for offering the 2PF. I must say that
although very grateful for the spiritual transformation (which is
kind of an understatement!) I am stunned and shocked at the
simplicity and childishness of the predicament I was in. I could
almost cry at the time and effort I have put into practice over the
years, all the needless suffering. However, how was I to know the way
out would be so simple?
Thanks
again,
Mark
Kim:
OK,
go ahead and see how it feels. The introductory practice has a few
techniques, very important ones actually, including guru yoga with
Guru Rinpoche. Making that connection (with him or other mahasiddhas,
masters) is a life- and path-changer. I started with zen, sat a lot
but made very little progress. Then when I learned the principle and
technique of tantric guru yoga and felt how the master's presence can
so palpably felt in my bodymind, it changed everything and there was
no going back to the old way because through guru yoga I could get
glimpses of the natural state as much as I wanted. It didn't happen
prior to that. In my view, the most important thing in the path of
dharma is to have those glimpses. Everything else is secondary.
Unfortunately the vast majority of old dharma systems are caught in
thinking otherwise which makes the path for the practitioners
needlessly long, demanding and fruitless. Both you, me and your
dharma siblings are examples of this, as are numerous others around
the world. There must be hundreds of thousands of people worldwide
putting in the hours, being very devoted and good students and yet,
not getting much fruit. In Open Heart we, the masters, my wife and I,
have made a conscious effort to shed everything that is needless
(both from practices and verbal view) and make the system simple and
direct without compromising the ultimate attainment of buddhahood in
this life. I cannot emphasize the role of our gurus here. Without
them none of this would be happening.
As
far as I know reading or mapping bhumis, like we do in Open Heart, is
not done in any other school of dharma, even though extensive
commentaries are given on them. I assume that at some point this
skill was lost and all that is left now doesn't make any sense.
I understand perfectly how strange or suspicious all this might seem.
Just try and see for yourself. I am so glad that Jon has made this
great effort in getting you all try one by one. Do you think you
would have considered the Guidance without the recommendation of your
dharma brothers? Maybe, maybe not... But now, a week or two after
meeting with the materials, not even receiving pointers from a
teacher, you are awake... which didn't happen to you through other
dharma paths you have followed for almost 20 years. The same has
happened to 90 other people so far. This is just a pragmatical note.
As this text is going to be published in my blog I also want to make
people think these things.
Another
pragmatical statement. About 1½ years ago I
had a chat with Daniel Ingram, one of the founders of the
pragmatic dharma movement. He told me that he knew "about 20
arhats" worldwide, including himself. These included famous
theravada buddhist teachers. Bhumi mapping Dan and other "arhats"
of their movement as well as masters from the East, they all have
opened their 6th bhumis, more or less perfected. At the time, 1½
years ago, I think there was only a few 6th bhumis in Open Heart
Sangha. Now there are 19. We also have 9 people who have opened one
or more of the mahasiddha bhumis which means that the natural state
is their prevalent state. This group is now in the process of
perfecting their bodhisattva bhumis, that is, fully purifying their
minds. Shouldn't take long when people start getting the ultimate
fruit. This may sound a bit technical, sorry for that. I'm an
engineer by nature so I sometimes get excited explaining these
things. Anyway, take it one step at a time. See if this hypothesis
works for you. Never believe.
Exactly
Mark... It is that simple...
Have
a great day!
Kim
