Guru
in Burnout
This
is a casual sharing of what I have experienced during the last three
years. I'm sharing this information in case it help others in similar
situation. I have chosen to use the word ”guru” in the title only
for a catchy name. I do not wish to be called or referred to as a
”guru”.
Burnout
I
had a burnout for 3 years, from late 2013 until late 2016. It all
started with way too much working and got really bad with the arrival
of our first child who was a very poor sleeper for the first year or
so. I had all the classical symptoms of a burnout: constant sleeping
problems, bodily heat problems, regular headaches that I could only
keep at bay by taking painkillers, exhaustion, emotional irritation
and some stomach problems. No matter how much I sleep I tried to get,
among the hectic daily life, I was always tired. And no matter how
much I ate, I didn't feel energised. I could not exercise because the
vitality of the body was very low. If I would try to do yoga or some
other physical exercising, I would have to stop after some minutes
because I had no energy to continue, my body would just get heated up
more.
The
only way I could keep up with the demanding daily regime was to do
tantric practices, mantras to be specific, and meditate some but not
a lot. If I didn't do daily practice, my condition would get worse.
Practice would help me to remain clear minded. I had to keep on
working because as an enterpreneur I am responsible for supporting my
family and get no benefits of taking a sick leave. Also there was no
one who could have stepped in for me, as the head teacher of Open
Heart, were I to take sick leave. I had no other choice than to keep
tramping on, and for the most of it, I didn't and couldn't enjoy it
at all. It was a vicious cycle.
Now
that this period has passed, I wonder how I managed to pull that off
because the amount of work during these years is huge. Continuous
courses, teaching retreats, numerous awakening guidances, passing
regular initiations, blogging and answering a lot of emails. I also
wonder, am surprised really, how our marriage survived. There were
numerous occasions when I felt I simply had no other choice than to
leave. Mere burnout with a sick leave would have been a peace of
cake. Merely having a small child who wouldn't let us sleep would
have been a walk in the park. Or merely needing to take care of the
job would have been easy but all three together was a killer. It was
extremely stressful.
When
you can no longer control or do anything to regulate the constant
hardships you meet, that's when it becomes hopeless and pointless.
You keep taking care of your responsibilities until it get's so bad
that you either run away or loose your ability to function. It is
horrible when faith in the goodness of life disappears. It is
horrible to live yet not feel any joy because you're out of juice,
out of energy, dried up like a stick in a desert.
Having
been through all this, I am not surprised at all that common people
without any psycho-spiritual knowledge and skills so often end up in
devorce. I am actually not surprised of even worse things happening.
That is what extremely stressful circumstances do.
All
through these challenging times it was my spiritual practice that
kept me going. I sticked to my daily practices even when I was
exhausted and fed up. I was fortunate to have years of training and
stable insights before all this which helped me to stay on course.
Even though my body was exhausted with all the problems, mentally I
was able to keep it cool enough. I am certain that had I not
meditated, were awakened and opened several bhumis prior to this
trial, I would no longer be doing this job and/or be married. There
is absolutely no doubt about this.
Person
who has ground mahamudra understanding,
I
don't think, will have nervous breakdown,
unless
it is a physical disease.
If
it is a disease, it can happen.
Other
than that it will not happen.
-
Tai Situ Rinpoche
From:
https://www.youtube.com/watchv=No45mfuOjVQ&list=PLCA7194D2DD551611
I
have never seen any proficient adept talk about burnout, or nervous
breakdown. But I've noticed it being many times announced that the
personal doctor of the Dalai Lama requires him to take time off of
his busy schedule for the reason that it is too demanding on his
body. I've also read the same about Chetsang Rinpoche who is the head
of drikung kagyu-school of Tibetan buddhism.
Healing
Finally,
after three years of this, all of a sudden it all changed. Readers of
this should refer to Open
Heart Bhumi Model
to understand what I'm going to say next.
My
health got almost back to normal in few days after the 1st
of Nowember 2016, when hitting the 11th bhumi, which is
the first mahasiddha bhumi. When the 11th bhumi opened,
for a few days I felt a very powerful healing energy whenever I sat
down. It was like my body system was being connected to the source of
life and vitality again, and the system was being recharged and fixed
back to normal. During the first couple of days, I'd estimate my
health recovered to 70-80% of normal. This was a huge and fast change
as it had been 10-20% for three years. It took about one month
for full recovery. Now after 2-3 months after the shift, I am doing
my work and family chores, plus physical exercise for 1-2 hours a
day, without getting exhausted at all. At moments I am still amazed
how this has happened.
For
those in burnout
I
am a tantric practitioner who does practices such as guru yoga and
deity yoga. I do not know how different systems of medicine (western
or eastern) can help those in severe burnout but from my own
experience I can say that the help of a spiritual master, or a
buddha, is invaluable in this situation. As one's vitality is so low,
classic meditation practices where one relies on one's own power and
concentration is out of the question, that is, are not useful. For
this reason I'd recommend those in burnout to learn and practice
these teachings for their health and spiritual benefit.
Thank
you for reading.
-
Kim, 30.1.2017
Open
Heart,
