About Hardships in Life
Sometimes people tell me something very worrying or troubling of their personal lives. They tell me about problems with their spouses or companions, or relatives, financial problems, court cases or something like that. Sometimes I am shocked about what they share with me and deeply sad and sorry what they have to go through because I have a sense how excruciating and heartbreaking it is. I try to be present for their worries and offer whatever appropriate advice I can but the thing is that I cannot and do not tell people what to do with their lives. Not that I am asked to either, fortunately.
Everyone needs to make their own choices and take responsibility for them. In this way we learn about life and people, sometimes the hard way. It is emotionally and psychologically challenging and draining but because this is a samsaric world, we can't avoid it and therefore we just have to deal with whatever hardships come our way. Whoever you are, sooner or later, they will find you. Have no doubt about that.
In my position as a dharma teacher I have to be careful about boundaries. Even if people come to me with their worries and problems, I am not in the position of giving them advice about their life because I am just a dharma teacher. Having said that, sometimes I feel very strongly and clearly about what people should or shouldn't do. She should quit that job, he should find another woman, she should divorce him and so on. But I keep all that to myself because it is none of my business. Anyhow, it is painful to see people get hurt and struggle so much in their lives when it basically needn't be so hard but then again, I say that as a person whose had many hardships.
One is kind to pray and wish happiness to all beings but the reality of it is that in the case of all individuals, true happiness comes only through removing self-based ignorance, i.e. through realisation of emptiness. Deluded beings cannot be happy nor wise and the only way out of ignorance is by first hand discoveries. To show support and pray on behalf of those who have hard times in their lives is a sign of having a heart but this also has limitations and we should be aware of that. We shouldn't rely too much on prayers when dealing with samsaric problems in the midst of samsaric world.
What I am saying is that problems need to be solved by sufficient and fitting actions. For example, if you try to solve your divorce negotiations by fervently praying to God or Buddha, you'll likely be disappointed. On the other hand you'll be better prepared for such negotiations by learning about the divorce process and by talking to social authorities and a lawyer. True, sometimes spiritual practices have an effect on worldly things but we shouldn't be naive.
Much love,
KR 17.3.2022
