Being a Student of a Guru
(unedited excerpt from my upcoming book, ”Manual for Seekers, Students and Teachers of Spirituality”)
In tantric yoga, guru is the reason of the student's realization. In tantra, everything depends on the guru. This doesn't mean that the guru is everything there is to the tantric path but it is guru and her/his wisdom and compassion that is the foundation of the whole path. Without guru, there is no tantra, no tantric path and no benefits from it.
For this reason, relationship with a guru is unique among all relationships. Guru shows you who you are and helps you to undelude yourself. Friends, companions, priests, psychologists, doctors, healers, teachers, parents and children can also help in the process of shedding delusions but without guru, without someone who empowers the student and lifts up one's karma, all other relationships fail in the mission of enlightenment. So, relationship with a guru is unique. It's sole purpose is your awakening, your enlightenment, your growth and maturation as a wisdom being.
People often confuse what guru is with something else. Guru may also be one's friend, companion, parent or a child but first and foremost, one's association with a guru is related to enlightenment. For this reason, one should not view or approach the guru like one approaches others. Relationships with one's guru requires attentiveness – listening – and learning of dynamics that cannot be found from other types of relationship.
In the West, some have completely misunderstood the concept of guru and reasoned that it is like a mixture of a friend, teacher, priest, psychologist and a parent, purposefully excluding the very function or dimension of guru's uniqueness and expertise. Of course, it can and should be questioned what makes someone a guru and whether or not that person has the capacity to be in that position but if one checks out, then the guru relationship should not be confused with other common or secular relationships.
One becomes a guru first by becoming a student of tantra which happens through receiving empowerment from another guru. Empowerment is followed by practice and following the instructions and advices of one's guru. Then follows spiritual growth through contemplation and awakening or insight experiences. In this way, through a lenghty and challenging process, the student becomes qualified as a guru, as a master. This process might involve one being a teacher before becoming a master but eventually, through following one's master's instructions, the student becomes like her/his master, becomes a guru. Then begins the new guru's duty to grow her own disciples, to pass the torch to the next generation. The point is that one doesn't become a master, except through a lengthy and trying process, and one isn't finished until one's guru says so.
One of the things that requires special attention in the relationship with one's guru is promises made by the student. In a relationships with a friend, parent or others, you might make promises too lightly and end up forgetting what you've promised or simply don't care what you've promised, and it might still turn out fine, meaning that the other person might not think too much of it. Well, if you don't take the trash out even if you promised to, it's not that serious but if you don't do what you promised to your guru, that is instantly something that the guru pays attention to because even in the case of taking the trash out you're not doing what you promised. In something so simple what to most people might seem insignificant, you communicate to the guru that your words can't be trusted, that you might be an untrusthworthy student. If one cannot be trusted with small simple tasks, it is out of the question to give big responsibilities to such a student. Also giving advanced teachings is out of the question because the student hasn't even mastered the basics of honest conduct, trustworthiness and commitment. If you ever find yourself in a situation that you suddenly realize not having kept one's promise to one's guru; bow your head down and apologize from the bottom of your heart. Then go about fulfilling your promise immediately. Leaving promises unkept, ruins your relationship (skt. samaya) with one's guru. That has long-lasting and detrimental consequences. You don't want to ruin unique karmic connections to gurus and lineages that are the only way out of samsara to full enlightenment. The student's mind has limitations and because of that we cannot avoid mistakes but making mistakes and rectifying them is an essential part of the whole growth process. When you become aware of a mistake, apologize, correct it and move on. That's the correct way to go about it.
There is a saying, ”To normal people big mistakes are small mistakes. To spiritual practitioners, small mistakes are big mistakes.”
Actions,
manners, ethics, attentiveness, considerateness, and trustworthiness
are all under a special microscope when it comes to spiritual
practitioners and in a relationship with a tantric master. Masters of
all times have instructed us to be very attentive of our actions –
thoughts, words and physical – because we don't want to accumulate
negative karma but we do if we don't pay attention to what we do and
think. This is a crucial point because we end up confused and lost
exactly because we don't pay attention or don't know how to pay
attention to our actions. We are in samsara, going round and round in
our minds, lifetime after lifetime, solely because of our own
actions. Imagine one life with an unhappy self-centered, then imagine
ten thousand unhappy lives. It's a long haul and it is all because of
our me, me, me, I, I, I. There is no other entity, like an almight
God in heaven, doing any of that to us or deciding things on our
behalf, it is all our own responsibility, actions and their karmic
consequences. And here we come to a very important point about the
guru relationship.
By definition, a tantric master sees more
in you than you do in yourself because the master has finished the
path or is at least farther than the student is. This is the
underlying principle that makes the student's growth possible, if the
student is paying attention and listening. If you are still getting
to know the guru and probing whether the guru-figure is trusthworth
and suitable for you or not, it is probable that the guru either
won't pay much attention, give you one-on-one time or have
expectations towards you. You should take your time feeling into the
guru, her person, her qualities and her personality traits. Taking
time to feel this out means to seek into the physical company and
presence of the guru, whether in formal or informal circumstances, at
retreats, satsangs and so on. You should spend time with the guru to
find out if her teachings and her as a person feels like a match for
you. If you take the time, there will be a moment when you realize
that it is or isn't a fit. If you feel that it is a match, you have
found your spiritual home, a guru and/or a lineage that you have good
connection with. If, on the other hand, you feel that it is not a
match, then make a bow and go about finding a master who resonates
with your heart. If you are sincere and have a real need to find a
guru, i.e. to get out of samsara for the sake of all beings, you will
find your heart-guru relatively quickly. If you don't feel the heart
connection with some guru and reason that you will take empowerment
and practice the teachings even if you don't really even like the
guru, don't do this because this has potentially negative karmic
consequences. At least, if you stay with some guru until you find a
more suitable one, you should always remain honest and respectful in
your behaviour. If you behave badly, the karma is on you and again
with spiritual relationships you don't want such karma for yourself
because it will keep good teachers, gurus and lineages away from you
possibly for many lifetimes. If you treat people badly, they want to
stay away from you. If you treat a guru badly, you create karma in
your subtle body, like a banner hung on your chest that says, ”I
don't have manners and I treat masters poorly and unfairly”.
Authentic gurus have the ability to see such karma and don't take
such people as students. Then you are left with inauthentic ones or
lesser paths that don't lead to full enlightenment, possibly for
lifetimes.
That the student takes the time and makes the effort to find this out is important because it lays the foundation for the whole path that comes after it.
