About Sex and Semen Retention

 

About Sex and Semen Retention

Semen retention was mentioned few days ago in one of the discussions. It reminded me of this video of this sifu who has become famous in the internet. Here are my own view and experiences of this matter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vddn_m6_-vI

First of all, semen retention or sexual abstinence is not a requirement for awakening experiences or even full enlightenment (buddhahood). One can have a satisfying sexual life, have orgasms and ejaculate without it having any effect on awakening as it is understood on mahayana and vajrayana buddhism. In excess, however, like anything else, too much sexual activity will cause imbalance, lack of energy and energetical disharmony in the body.

A further point against abstinence from sex is the fact that across history those who refrain from sex, often hoping it to make one holier and purer, have become greatest sexual perverts and abusers. Based on this simple fact it is entirely misleading to say that being sexually active would be harmful or detrimental to one's spiritual or martial life.

One of my spiritual and martial heroes is Yamaoka Tesshu, a famous master of zen buddhism, swordmanship and calligraphy who lived in 19th century Japan. Tesshu was known, not in erratic sense, but he greatly enjoyed partying, drinking and having sex with women. He seemed to have a great appetite for the joys of life, while he was also committed to his spiritual, martial and art practices, as well as his work as an imperial advisor and as a familyman. He is said to have been a huge man with huge energy. I own a collection of Tesshu's calligraphies and can testify that none of his eagerness for drink or sex had a detrimental impact on his calligraphy (where the black ink stores his energy to this date). In fact, his energy is much fuller and more abundant than the works of many monks who assumably were celibates.

When it comes to sex, I have followed Tesshu's example. Since I was a teenager, I have never been a celibate except for one 5-week period, around the age of 30. That I have been sexually active has had no harmful effect on my realisation whatsoever. In fact, being sexually active has made my mind much more relaxed and emotionally balanced than I'd imagine I would have been without. Sex has also been fun (!).

Now, because I have not practiced celibacy and have been a steady ejaculator for the past 30 years, I do not have authority to say that the recommendation to remain a celibate wouldn't have all the benefits the sifu and other sources say. However, I can say is that celibacy, refraining from sex or ejaculations is not necessary for spiritual enlightenment (as it is understood in mahayana buddhism) because it simply isn't. The sifu on the video doesn't give any meaningful definition what he means by enlightenment but what comes to buddhist enlightenment, there is very little or no relation to sexuality at all. Dealing with sexual desire, on the other hand, is important but this is a practice of meditation that has no relation to sex, sex organs or such.

We can surely become fully enlightened beings and great martial artists by having a balanced and healthy life style.

-Kim, 29.8.2021

How I Had Sex with Hookers, Broke My Vows and Hurt Everyone's Feelings

How I Had Sex with Hookers,

Broke My Vows and

Hurt Everyone's Feelings

Related reading published previously in this blog:

Culadasa John Yates: Sutrayana ”doesn't go far enough”.

The following piece of dialogue is copied from DharmaOverground-forum.

*

Kim: Recently, I've been wondering how this case is developing. I have wondered how Culadasa is holding up, whether anyone is still studying with him and whether anyone is reading his book anymore. His book was like the Bible in these circles until the allegations came out but now no one mentions it anymore.

Linda: He has started to do youtube videos again, at least, and he has viewers and people asking him questions.

Kim: He makes an interesting comment, at 12:18, here about recent events, particularly, having been very disappointed to his long term students recently.

https://youtu.be/YfRp9cMPSNk?t=662

Him saying that his long term students were immature + what we know of the whole thing, have given me the impression that this case doesn't fall under the category of "misconduct". It might be the case that he is still preparing a statement, possibly with a lawyer, or that he won't make public comments beyond that. I hope he would for cleaning the air but as I said it never seemed to me that it was such a big deal and that firing him seemed hasty of the group/board. I guess Culadasa refers to the immaturity of his old students because they weren't able to accept and see the events plainly. Also, having seen almost no enthusiasm about The Mind Illuminated in the internet since the news broke out, to me, seems another sign of immaturity of the larger community. Also, he seems to have lost weight and in overall doesn't look too healthy. These must have been very stressful times for him and those closely associated, incl. Nancy Yates.

It's a lot of guesses, impressions and if's but despite of everything I wish everyone involved much peace and clarity.

Linda: Oh, that's an entirely different interpretation. Interesting.

Personally I wouldn't want to work closely to someone who is completely unwilling to be compassionate about other people's perspectives. It doesn't matter how accomplished they are and how helpful their teachings are. I mean, I can still read their work and listen to their teachings selectively, but I wouldn't want them as my personal teacher. Obviously he is not the only one who is disappointed. He didn't mention that other side of the coin with one single word, but positioned himself as the victim. I don't know the exact circumstances about what happened, and sure, some reactions from some people who weren't directly concerned were probably over the top, but if he is concerned about seeing things plainly it might be a good idea for him to just accept that actions have consequences even for advanced meditators. And maybe, just maybe, people aren't immaturely losing faith in the dharma, but are in fact realizing that they just don't like dealing closely with people who lie to their close ones and then feel sorry for themselves and go all martyr about it when shit hits the fan. 

Kim: Culadasa has apologized for the harm so he is not without compassion or unable to understand other's feelings. He barely mentioned the topic very briefly in passing. This is not a comprehensive statement in any way, so I don't find it problematic at all that he didn't mention others more than he did. You know Linda, we still don't know the specs and we may never will but from what we know, I don't see erratic, abusive behaviour anywhere. Yet, he was kicked out from his position etc etc. I don't know any of these people and even if Daniel Ingram vouched (or something like that) for the board or some key memebers of the community, maybe they interpreted the situation in black and white fashion, lost larger perspective and crushed him. Considering what he has done for them, I can understand why he would feel like a victim.

I am a teacher myself and head teacher of the sangha that I have founded. I talk openly about sex, sexuality, sexual desire, porn, addiction and related things because they are part of everyone's life. I even make erotic art (among calligraphy and abstract expressionistic painting) and display it in the internet. By doing so I hope to disperse some really stubborn and harmful taboos that exist in dharma. I also teach tantric deity-related practices to transform sexual desire and possible addicitons (of any kind). I do not know if Culadasa has spoken about sexuality related matters as openly as I have. If he hasn't, like most dharma teachers, all this sex-stuff explodes on everyone's face in uncomfortable manner. Talking about "desire" and overcoming them in overall manner is not good enough.

(Imagined prospect starts)

If I put myself in Culadasa's place, how I imagine what might have happened, I find myself sexually very frustrated due to lack of sexual activity in marriage. Also, I've had much hardship due to long lasting illness which takes away joy in life. For people who have never been properly ill, they can't understand how it is to live without joy. Also, I am still virile enough to have and enjoy sex (possibly without opportunity to do it with my wife). In that case, like him, I would seek the company of professionals. I understand that it might hurt my spouse but what can I do? I am not celibate, nor wish to abstain from sex for the years I have left. Am I going to watch porn and masturbate until I keel over? No, after this long illness and long life lived, that doesn't seem like an option that would make me feel good about my life. So, I find prostitutes, pay for their services and get at least some sexual satisfaction, even if it isn't intimate and emotionally connected.

Some time after I've gone to prostitutes, even made friends with them and gave money to support them, my students and wife finds out I've been doing this. Maybe they can't see my actions from my perspective and are unable to see my actions from the human perspective. I am accused of adultery, suspicious use of money and having broken my buddhist vows. I am seen as immoral and immature as a practitioner. People who I have helped, supported and guided, even provided, now condemn and excommunicate me. OK... I just wanted to enjoy life and have sex, and now this has happened. I understand people feel hurt and cheated but I am a human being, with human biology, needs and desires, that despite of life long practice I have not been able to overcome. People who I know well and who I have loved, reject me, and I am left alone by people close to me.

(Imagined prospect ends)

Now, if I really did that and was condemded for these actions, being the person and teacher who I am, knowing how much I have done for my students, I would tear them new assholes. If my humanity as a teacher was ignored due to spiritual fantasies and ideals, I would let my critisizers know exactly where they belong. From this point of view, based on my imagination, I can appreciate Culadasa's moderate comment how he has been treated. His demeanor reveals as much as his words do. I can assure you, my comment wouldn't have been as moderate.

However, as I said, I've talked about these things openly and because of this I doubt my students would treat me the way Culadasa's students have treated him. I have made it perfectly clear that despite of spiritual advancement, I am still a samsaric being and me, like all samsaric beings, make mistakes and are not perfect. Also, in Open Heart-style of dharma practice, we don't have vows other than Bodhisattva Vows. We are tantrics, not sutrics, and view and do things differently.

*

Open Heart Sangha,

www.en.openheart.fi

Sex and Sexual Art

Sex and Sexual Art

Q: I write this partly as a response to your recent sexual art works but also it’s been something that’s been on my mind for ages and actually something I have been meaning to write to you about.

When you posted about your sexual art I read it at work and only the night before I had been very consumed by sexual desire. Hence sex was strongly on my mind when I read your email. Basically my sexual desire has nowhere to go. I know understand how frustrated and blocked this aspect of myself is.

Any advice in this area would be appreciated as I have experienced first hand the pain of cutting off the sex drive. I want to be a normal human being and not some spiritual seeker who cuts off the sex drive in an attempt to be holy.

Kim: Do what you can to help yourself. Suppression and ignoring sexuality makes people strange, if not batshit crazy. Once Babaji told me, ”Be yourself. Find your own way”. You got to find your own way. It is important not to pretend saintliness. Besides, saints are often psychopaths. Tantrics don’t play with fire, we use it as wisely as we can. 

 

Close up from one of Kim's works.

Q: That was a lovely reply thank you I really needed to hear that. Yes there is no post office form for how it should work out. I hadn’t really clocked how important sexual relationships are because it’s just not really spoken about in the Buddhist circles. My previous teacher didn’t go there that’s for sure. People don’t talk about it openly and I didn’t get any advice from my parents at all which I think is neglectful parenting, but that’s just my opinion.

Kim: Few traditions speak openly about sex and sexuality. I have the impression that Taoists from China, at least some lineages, have been most openminded about it. In buddhism and hinduism that I am most familiar with, it's like people had an empty hole in the place of their sexual organs. They don't exist and they never go there. Even the chakra, subtle energy center close to the genitals is called ”secret center”.

Looking at the record of sexual harrassment and abuse in buddhism tells me that whatever the tradition says or doesn't say about sexuality, needs to change because it is such a big part of being a human. If you ignore it or don't understand it, how could you ever truly know yourself?

People should not feel more uncomfortable about their genitals and sex than they are about their hands and feet. Shame and guilt that religions have connected with sexuality is completely unnatural, crazy really, and we see constantly how it affects people's lives in negative manner. If I can do something about it through my art and simply by talking about it openly, I feel I should.

I have received only few positive feedbacks about my art works but much more clicks than any of my other posts. Thanks.

See Kim's art work here: https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=683282842173444&id=621644005003995

Spirituality, Sex and Abuse

Spirituality, Sex and Abuse

Noah wrote: I have been thinking about Joshu Sasaki Roshi as an example lately, myself. So, in your opinion, a teacher who is capable of (sexual) abuse of students has not completely finished their insight training? In other words, at the highest levels of enlightenment, conduct is necessarily and automatically purified? This has been my thinking, as of late: that there are levels of attainment in which things like emotion and motivation to act do get 'integrated', but that these are waaay down the line.

Baba wrote:
Hi Noah,

This is a wonderful topic. Not often talked about. I have also not talked about this because sexuality is a big taboo.

To me it looks like this. There is nothing wrong with teachers having sex with students if this is done in mutual understanding, agreement and openness of all the parties concerned: teacher, student and possibly teacher's spouse and student's spouse.
However, this is usually never the case. Teachers are not able to see their and other's sexuality in this light because they obviously have blind spots in their sex impulse and emotions, possibly feelings of guilt or something else attached to it, that hey have dissociated from in their minds. So sexuality to them is a blind spot. I think cultural and religious upbringing has a lot to do with this. The world is a pretty supressed place when it comes to sexuality. There are so many problems created by this. In the mind training/spiritual scene there are also powerful taboos such as awakening/enlightenment and human sexuality. But anyway.

When a respected, possibly charismatic dharma teacher with energetic presence, seduces his or her student, and if the teacher does not explain his or her view of what is going on, the student is mislead. This creates the karmic backflow that will follow. By karmic backflow I mean deep stress, trauma and loss of faith towards the dharma. A dharma teacher or a guru has a special place in the student's mind and heart. Sexual abuse is one of the worst things to betray the trust of the student.

Evidence of this karmic backflow is seen from several public testimonies that we have seen in the media by people, usually women, who were abused sexually by their male gurus. We can find these examples from every tradition and religion. Joshu Sasaki is one of them. These testimonials say that the relationship was not equal between the two parties. The other party, the student or students, were abused. In case this had been done in openness and clarity, being aware and awake, the outcome and the testimonies would have had a different tone altogether. There would be no grudge, no need for healing. But we never hear the students say that "Oh yes, we had wonderful and intimate time together with my teacher. Sex with him or her, gave me a new perspective of who I am, who my teacher is and what sexual awareness is". I have never heard anyone say that. We keep hearing that someone got hurt bad and that it has taken many years or decades for them to heal and re-gain their faith towards the dharma. I am sure many of these abused people left their dharma practice for good. That's one of the real bad mistakes a dharma teacher can do. Karmically speaking, that's when the shit really hits the fan for him (or her).

If we speculate that Shakyamuni Buddha, this mahasiddha who started buddha dharma, would have had sexual encounters with his students I am sure that it wouldn't have been in avoidance of the sangha knowing it or in secrecy in any way from the concerned parties. It doesn't make any sense that there'd be a living buddha, a true master, who has this immense clarity of mind and awareness when he teaches and is a stainless and pure celibate monk among people but that when he goes to this quarters after his talk and takes his robe off, there's a well known Bollywood actress giving him a blowjay at the same time when he watches TV. For a real mahasiddha this would never happen, as it did to a famous guru in India a few years back (while a hidden camera was filming).

When one has really meditated and recognised the awake awareness in bone and marrow, the clarity of mind comes together with natural ethics that you don't need to carry in your mind or recall anymore. When the conscious recognition is thorough, ethical behaviour becomes natural. You can't hurt or purposefully mislead others at that point. This is because the bodymind, including the sex impulse, is permeated with this open awareness imbued with the spirit of compassion, selfless love, nonviolence, truthfulness and freedom. At this point it is impossible to purposefully harm or mislead others, be it through sexual abuse or other forms of abuse. But most teachers or gurus are not there yet and so, they create harm to many. This is very very unfortunate for all the parties and the dharma culture in overall. The karmic reverberations extend to so many directions.

But yeah, sex and sexuality are taboos in the world. When writing this, I consider not publishing this text because being a spiritual teacher myself and talking about these things publicly, I might be be labeled as some weird sex guru, **simply because I am talking about these things** which are never talked about.

But that's the whole problem, isn't it? We are not taught about sexuality, about us ourselves as sexual beings. Instead the world culture makes us feel awkward and strange about our sexuality. "Forbidden fruit", you know. "Don't, don't don't. Put a lid on it. Pure mind vs. Dirty mind. Heaven vs. Hell" et cetera. I am sure this supression still practiced by many religions has done much more harm than good during the known history.

But anyway. My main point is that it is not the actual act of sex that is the problem in these abuse cases. It is the mind and conditions imprinted in it, as it always is.

Cheers,
Baba

Open Heart, www.openheart.fi