Advice to Someone with Fear and Anxiety About Energy and Kundalini
I read your email, all of it. I understand your problem/s. You've gone a long way with these issues and unfortunately you haven't met anyone before who could help you out with your problems. I am looking at your past and present experiences as a whole, and even if to you it might look like an endless mess that you cannot get out of or make sense, it is actually not that complex or difficult.
What you need is 1) a clear view of the path and its experiences, incl. energetics and 2) practices that help you to remove and pacify your fears, anxieties and whatever mental-emotional issues are there. You do not have psychotic features so all this is actually easy to manage, if you have the right tools and view. I've had similar issues myself back in the day and have students who have had similar things as you, so nothing what you have experienced is unique to your case. Perhaps you can feel some relief knowing this.
-You are over-concerned about sensations. If and when there is nothing wrong with you medically, it means that 1. it's all energetic and 2. you are just anxious and paranoid about it. It is common to different types of subtle sensations. None of what you describe is uncommon. They are not dangerous or weird in themselves. They are just sensations and energetic events. It is only when you don't know this simple fact is because you get anxious and scared about them. The only thing to pay attention to is the fear and anxiety, which are a form of self. Your problem is your "you" that gets scared and anxious. With this point we enter the world of buddhist meditation. I don't know if you practiced buddhism before but my impression is that you didn't, and that's part of the problem because you don't have clear view of these things. -We have three types of bodies: 1. physical, 2. energetic/mind and 3. awareness/buddhanature. Main part of your problem is that you are disconnected from your awareness/buddhanature and this makes you get extra-lost in that prana/energy/fear/anxiety stuff. So you should establish clear awareness in your being. This is actually very easy to do by tantric means. Read this and do the practice described in it: https://www.pemakobuddhism.com/111
The practice uses guru mantras that are explained. In tantra we turn to gurus who are fully enlightened masters for help. All we need to do is to be sincere in our request to receive their help that come in the form of blessings. This is guru yoga and it is the heart and soul of all tantric methods. You will notice that when you chant the mantra, your mind becomes clear and fearless, while you feel a warm soothing and pleasant energy fill you up. Don't worry, none of this is strange or scary. You can trust it, relax and just enjoy the ride. Try. You are also welcome to join any of the guided sessions lead by our acharya's or retreats taught by myself: https://www.facebook.com/groups/pemakobuddhism/events
These will solve your problems for good. You will see the positive benefit from your first session. Then you just keep taking the medicine. If you need advice, I'm here. * You either didn't listen or understand what I wrote to you before, so please go back and read my previous messages. When I say that it is safe, I mean it. When I say that energetic experiences are normal and that you do not need to be alarmed of them, I mean it.
You do not need to take a "leap of faith into the unknown" or anything like that but if you keep following the habits of fear and anxiety like before, it will take unnecessarily long time to sort this out. So!
Take it easy. Relax. When I give this simple instruction to relax, it means that you really need to relax. Relax your body, take a few deep breaths and let your breathing become relaxed. Your mind will calm down also. Within this relaxation you say a prayer request in your own words and invite Guru Rinpoche to you, or you can use his mantra to invite him over to you. Either way, he comes to you in person. A fully enlightened master actually comes to you in nonphysical form. There is no greater healer than that so please take advantage of that to your own great benefit! Little by little you learn to know him and trust him. Everytime you feel his presence, you can ask yourself whether it feels safe or not. He will give you great help to pacify your mind and its many fears and anxieties. This helps you to grow up spiritually.