maanantai 1. helmikuuta 2016

Awakening by Reading a Book

Awakening by Reading a Book

The following text is a diary of a friend of mine, "M", who was scheduled to take Guidance to Awakening. Guidance turned out unnecessary as awakening already took place when she was preparing for it by reading Awake!-ebook (available for free). Upon careful investigation of her diary and close up photos, I verified her awakening. There has been several other similar cases who awakened by reading the book and the materials.

- Kim, 1.2.2016

M's diary

Hello, Kim. I have been keeping a little journal since I started reading “Awake!”, because something unexplainable happened. Would appreciate your view on this matter.

I was laying on the couch reading from your e-book Awake.  As I was reading the first dialogue with ‘VM’, my body felt funny and my heart started racing, as if it was opened up or somehow activated. I stopped reading at page 12. I sat up and looked around the room. I repeated “Me, me, me, me..” several times, but I could not find that little annoyed bossy victimized monkey anywhere. I had to laugh.

I do not feel impatient. Just strange and like nothing could knock me over. I feel steady, like a rock or a tree. Thoughts bubble up and disappear like dew in the morning sun. I do not feel particularly happy or sad, just very neutral. Not in a passive way, but in an alert attentive way. I do not feel the need to prove anything to anyone like I have my whole life. It is like a beginning, not a destination.

There are a lot of vibrations in my head and sometimes the rest of my body. A pressure on the “third eye”, in the forehead. For the past 2 weeks, I have been trying to ground myself more to not get too much anxiety and energy in my head, but now I am grounded without much effort. The energy in my head and body can do its thing. I don`t feel like seeking to get anywhere, but whatever may come, I am curious about it. 
Going to bed now. Will see how I feel in the morning.

Getting used to this new perspective. Still feels strange. Things don`t seem to bother me as much. I just deal with it. Still have to see how I react around people/being social.

When emotions and memories pop up, I don't get so invested. I do, however, still have many strong emotions, but there is more space around them and I breathe more easily. In addition, I have noticed my jaw is not chronically tense anymore. Like it`s not “chewing” on any stressful thoughts. So I have less of a headache!

The cat threw up on my carpet. I just cleaned it up without getting involved. I didn`t get angry with him like before, just curious about if he is okay.

It would take me a lifetime to describe this moment. But that is a paradox, because there is no lifetime. I say “Me” several times a day, but the inquiry disappears into nothingness. Nothing to be understood; this is not logical.
It`s almost annoying how OK I am.

I still see patterns in my behavior. It comes up like mud from the bottom of a lake, and it flourishes so that I can see it for what it is. It wants me to defend it, but it won`t survive long in the sunlight, because it`s like a troll in the old fairy tales; it turns to stone and breaks.
I rest in humbleness and gratitude. Sometimes I have to smile or laugh or cry, even at the smallest of things. I want to thank everybody for being here.

I remember that I have been in this state before, but that anxiety and fear took over then, so it did not last for long. Now it feels like it`s here to stay. Or rather, the fearful self is not here to stay and to control the situation.
I spend hours sitting on the couch looking through the room, at my paintings, at the cats, my legs, the lamp, everything. The only thing I "really" need to do is eat. This state of being feels endless and it only intensifies. The questioning mind is going in loops; asks questions, not receiving an answer, gives up, lets it go, asks again. “You have no power here”, I say, and laugh.

I am in great physical pain, but it`s okay. Being chronically ill is strangely okay now. Not having a job or going to school is okay. Not having my family`s support is okay now. Is this true acceptance? It just feels like peace.

Open Heart,